Don’t read

The things I am going to write are for me. Don’t read them, you will not be helpful.

I will try to write down what’s going on with my soul, my mind, my body. I made sure the playlist I am listening to, right now, is inspiring me. Poor me, I call the sad songs inspiring.

            Who am I? I wish I knew it. I wish I knew who this character is on the big stage, called life. I want to know if what I have been doing until now was useful. But nobody wants to tell me. I am calling for help, I want to know so badly which is the assigned path for me. I am always in a fight with myself. Once it was said to me that I should relax and be less critical with myself. But when you are for years doing the same, always telling to yourself that you can do better, that you should not lose your time, it becomes so difficult to be less critical with yourself.

            Don’t read!

            Oh, sorry, I even forgot to tell you my name. But does it matter that much? It’s just a combination of letters. I react at the word Maricica, probably that’s my name. Where am I from? 24 years ago I appeared on the Earth. So I am from the same place as you are. What I like to do? Things that, unfortunately, do not go together with what I have been always thinking I have to do.

            When I talk about myself, I can use the plural. Why? Because I and I* are on the boxing ring, when I does things for her soul, I* loses. When I* wins, it means that she was doing steps towards a successful career. It’s so easy to say “be yourself”, but what if you don’t know who your own self is?

            Don’t read!

Joseph Campbell said: “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us”, but what about the dreams you always had? Should I let it go and enjoy my everyday life, being crazy, special and happy or should I work hard for its accomplishment?

And if anybody dared to read my thoughts, I hope you are yourself and you live in happiness! Don’t be a brick in the wall!